Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
