to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
