Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
