I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
