I'm really into asian looking animals
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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