wrigley field is MILF paradise
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
