3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
