DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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