Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
