everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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