I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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