I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
someone threw a dead crab at me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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