you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
