I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
