So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
