First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I FOUND THE LEGS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize