singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
