Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
