call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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