I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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