Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
