My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
