Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
