I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this beer tastes like vomit already
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
