I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
