I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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