I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
