Too much gin, very little bucket
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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