...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
