do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
