Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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