You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dicks are not precious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
