Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
