it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
