I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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