I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
