It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
