so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
