honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize