i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
