How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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