That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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