being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
