I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
