Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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