I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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