ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
someone threw a dead crab at me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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