In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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