I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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