I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
