Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
