im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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