I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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