at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
