if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
