I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
