JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
