i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
