boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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