Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
