haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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