i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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