I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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