whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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