He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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