its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we should paint friendship bongs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
