Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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