She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
