Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
