My cat gives me a boner
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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