And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
