I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
