i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
